spirit.

Losing Robin Williams was/is devastating. 
Losing ANYone to this tragedy was/is devastating.

I have seen tributes and heard stories about Robin's presence here in this world. It leaves us in awe as to how a man with so much beauty/dynamism/raw talent/compassion/insight/and the list goes on can succumb to such a fate? I am extremely sensitive given the media and it's portrayal/reaction. One of the things we can do to help is to have a better understanding as to what suicide is. In the following article, Andrew Solomon addresses the core of this multi-layered/extremely devastating topic. He is eloquent. However the one thing I would disagree with is that suicide is not a crime. We lose people because they fall victim to this; the indescribable aloneness and delusional thinking moves in and frequently takes over. That which commits is not the person rather an unseen force/illness robbing the world of love and light time and again.


I may be too literal when it comes to certain things, but in this case I think it's important to make the distinction. Solomon ends on this note saying, "A great hope gets crushed every time someone reminds us that happiness can be neither assumed nor earned; that we are all prisoners of our own flawed brains; that the ultimate aloneness in each of us is, finally, inviolable."

"Prisoners of our own flawed brains" captures me. The phrase forces me to think back on various psychotic episodes and courses with ECT when my brain was shifting and changing. The plasticity of it offers hope and yet it can land me in utter chaos. Through it all, there were times when I found myself a prisoner and I meet others feeling the same way -as if we're stuck running around in circles with different meds and treatment options with therapists and hospital visits, but never a true light at the end of the tunnel. It feels as if our vessels wander without a sustainable connection to spirit.

In recent years, I've come to realize that learning/teaching resilience; sharing purpose; and empowering ourselves and others to build value in living and loving is a strong foundation. This is vague. No specifics, but it focuses on the whole and the unique. Each one of has having his/her natural need to be loved/to love unconditionally. I don't claim wellness. I rarely witness balance. I can only share what my experience and my conditioning offer.

It's a fact, we rarely talk about the spirit or faith in psychiatry and we grossly underestimate expressive therapies. I give credit to all that was/is offered to me in the way of recovery, but a part of me is cynical and frustrated. It's exacerbated in times like this when a true national treasure is taken from us because it's at these times that this epidemic is propelled into the spotlight. We analyze it/dissect it into little bits and pieces until we lose sight of the spirit -the same core spark we sometimes fail to ignite in times of crisis.

My response is to keep going/learning/serving/creating/teaching/inspiring/striving/collaborating in hopes that we can all know what it means to not have suicide as an option. It is not an option. We leave the door open for people to think that way too often. I've entertained the thoughts and I've been down some of those roads. 

It is not an option.

The choice is to keep going or to... keep going =trust the power of spirit; nurture that.
I should look in the mirror when I write!

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Nothing is without purpose. All of us are a part of a great pattern that we may someday understand and one day when we have done what we alone are capable of doing we get to rise up unite with those we love the most; forever embraced. 
What if one day our spirits become stars? -Winter's Tale

As an artist, I felt my job was to take that which was meant to be an act of harm/destruction and create magic/new possibilities! 
A work that demonstrates that you CANNOT kill spirit. I have risen to another level of consciousness where I can see the mighty hands God in everything. -Tyree Guyton